Hahaha..... it's very frightening to know that you can predict what your future is. How dark it is when you can't even see your own hands.

It's a hell of a roller coaster ride. I have been on leave for more than 3 months but the holidays went short. I was supposed to start work on the 1st of May but was pulled back. Alot of things has happened when was not in the office. A bit lost on the first day of work today. Do not know where to start. Anyway, the office was in a state of emergency. Staff been terminated, staff been rested and don't know what other bullshit.

A friend and a family has been stopped of his services and kinda missing him. He stayed with me for more than 5 mths. First it was only supposed to be 2 weeks but in the end was 7 mths. He was very close to the family. Someone that can talk to and someone that can be relied on..

I broke up with Gina after 4 years together. It is a waste putting all the effort and time. It's just a matter of religion. She don't want to convert so it's going to be a waste of time. But we are still friends. It is sad though.

Been partying a lot with the boys lately. Didn't really bother about anything even about health. Just party, party and party. Met a few people along the way. Discovered a few people along the way. Got into trouble along the way. Quarrelled with people along the way. But most of all the friends that are with me that tolerate my nonsense everytime. I appreciate these people alot. Don't have to mention names cos you know who you are.

I'm feeling quite emotional these few days. About work, people and family. I feel that it's getting harder and harder to live in this city. I know i can't please everybody and cannot expect everybody to understand me. But for me to choose is hard. Really hard.. Somebody got to take the hit..

If i got the chance to choose a character in a movie I would be Jason Bourne where he do not know who he really is but he have all the skills to survive in the mainstream. The only thing is that he is in that movie and I'm not.

All these months which I was not working I've developed psychological resilience. The flexibility in response to changing the situational demands, and the ability to bounce back from my negative emotional experiences.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that i cannot change, courage to change the things that i can and the wisdom to know the difference..