I don't really know how to feel about this. I don't know weather to feel sad, happy, disappointed, remorse, angry, i just don't know how the f*%k i should feel but it is really an annoying feeling. I've been relating it to some people but it's simply not working for me. Just got to know this from mummy ros when we finished with the Vietnamese trials. We went to Teh Tarik at tampines to drink something. Before that i was really hungry to eat something but when i reach there i simply had no appetite of eating or what so ever. That is when Mummy Ros told me;

Mummy Ros : Abg Jul, aku ade crita sikit pasal tunang lama kau.
Jul : Tunang lame yg mana satu.( I thought she was refering to some chick donkey years back)
Mummy Ros : Tunang kau yang recent tu la...
Jul : Oh..Apasal?
Mummy Ros : Dia dah collect cincin lagi.
Jul : Huh? Tapi kita belum settle lagi, amcam dia boleh engage lagi?
Mummy Ros : Eh! Aku ingat da settle?
Jul : Belum...

At this time i was already confused weather to believe this or not. I decided to call my closest cuzzy to confirm. When i call her she was on the way to her honeymoon cos she just got married. She confirmed that the news was true and she also got to noe this morning. In my heart i was like what the f*%k? I was confused but i kept my cool in front of everybody.

Its been almost 2 years that we were not talking because of some issue. I really don't know weather it's me or her. I have my reasons. I am a very reasonable and open minded person but people just simply take advantage of that. I have already quit fighting because she does not want me to cos she cannot stand me get injured and all those bullshit. After that, i continued my hobby of fishing. I cannot go fishing because it is a waste of time and money. Furthermore i don't have time for her cos i have been working like a dog. Almost did it. Her luck just ran out when she ask me to quit working at SSF. That just blew off my mind. How can you ask me to quit the only thing that i love the most. Who's going to support me? Who's going to give me money? You? I can't believe it when she say that. Then I told her that i need time off. The time off led to almost 2 years. I thought that maybe that she could come to her senses and realize what she doing. She's being to selfish. Thinking bout herself. In this 2 years i was hoping that she would call and maybe happen one my time but it didn't. Then i was at my cousin's wedding last saturday and she complained to me that she not happy with her. She was upset that she cannot come to her wedding cos she got to work but my cousin knew that she was afraid to run into me. My cousin knows my issue with her so i told my cousin that i will ask my mother to go meet her mum and settle this within this week. Maybe we could workout this issue. Start afresh or something. But when i got the news it just didn't happen.

In some part i would blame my self cos i did not call or do something about it but do you think that i need to? The words has gone out about the bad boy is back and doing his shit. But that boy is still hanging in there for hope. I told mama about this and she said,'Doa'kan asal orang bahagia jul...., Biar orang buat kita, kita jgn buat orang'. I think mother has been watching a lot of 'Hikmah'. I know that. I don't mind she getting engage to some rich dude or anything but have some courtesy to tell me. I haven't been so cool like this for a very long time. I really am calm but i just don't know what to feel. Like yat say,"Ni macam lu cium asap la..."

Damn.....